On the day of our move to Thailand, I remember the click of my seatbelt as we prepared to drive to the airport, only for the car to remain silent as I turned the ignition. I tried the button twice, exited the car, and tried again, and still nothing. I fought a building sense of panic as the car remained lifeless. “This can’t be happening,” I thought. “We need to go RIGHT NOW.” And yet the car failed to respond. We resolved it pretty quickly, of course, coordinating a tow truck and our friend picking us up, and we made our flight with time to spare. The long wait was a mixed blessing, because it let me stew with my anxieties about the whole move. We’d planned this for months, so why was the day of the move such a battle? The whole circumstance served as a perfect encapsulation of the lessons I wish I had known before our flight took off that day. Here are some of those lessons.
Selling everything takes longer than you think, and hurts more than you’d expect.
Thanks to my time in the military, I was no stranger to moving every few years and traveling light. My wife and I were pretty experienced with it by the time the big move came, so imagine my surprise when I found myself having a hard time getting rid of some of our household goods. Our mattress was the first piece of furniture my wife and I purchased after we got married, and even my old gun safe stood empty after getting rid of all my old firearms. These things were milestones of different periods throughout our marriage, and we simply could not bring any of them with us. One of the most important things to note about an international move; the more things you bring with you, the more expensive the move will be. So, we sought to get rid of everything that was not absolutely vital for us to keep, emotionally or practically. The emotional weight behind these sundries surprised me, given how excited I was about the move and the effort to get rid of all of them, even more so.
The real costs hit before you leave.
I remember thinking when we first decided to move, “We’ve been saving for years now, we’ll definitely have more than enough for this move,” only to spend somewhere between $5K – $8K before we even set foot on the plane. Whatever amount I thought we would need to pull this thing off, I should have doubled it. It’s an amazing and terrifying thing to see years’ worth of savings evaporate in just a few weeks.
Your first housing choice can make or break your landing.
A lesson I learned from my parents back when I was young:r; Never take a foot off a branch until the other foot is on the next one. During my military years, I applied this same concept to my housing situation. Anytime we needed to relocate, I would always make a point to have our next place lined up and ready. I thought I had something similar lined up with this move, only to get burned by an Airbnb host upon our arrival. I now recognize that I should have reached out to the apartment complex owner directly for such a drastic move. It worked out in the end, thanks to some quick networking, but I certainly could have spared my wife and me a few more gray hairs by doing just a little more due diligence.
You might not get a clean break, even if you sell everything.
Looking back on it, I am so thankful for our friends in Hawaii helping us cross the finish line. On top of getting us to the airport, they were even kind enough to take over our car loan for us, taking a lot of pressure off our backs. However, that car dying on us meant I had to spend the days immediately following the move coordinating with our friends and the auto shop. It also wasn’t until a week after our move that our final utility bill came in from our apartment. It wasn’t much due to the timing of our last rent payment, but regardless, it was a strange feeling to be getting a bill from a place we no longer lived anymore. Sometimes, obligations have a way of holding on even when you think you’re free of them. In times like that, it’s nice to have a helping hand to cover those responsibilities.
I wonder if there’s a correlation between the value of a lesson and how painful it was to learn. I panicked when the car died, and the Airbnb didn’t work out, but on this side of it, I feel all the wiser. At this point, I feel that this experience has only deepened my relationships with my friends and my wife, without whose help this wouldn’t have been possible. Hopefully, these lessons help the next person taking this leap.
